Losing your memory
by RookieBlue007
Summary: With Sam gone Andy only has his memory to keep her company
1. Memories don't live like people do

**A/N: So my apologies to anyone waiting for an update on my other story. As you'll see from this one, I do angst much better than I do happy times. So now that the story is in a "happy" place I'm having a bit of trouble finishing it but I will!**

**So this story took on a life of its own. My original idea was actually the one shot in chapter 2 but as I was writing it this came to be and I really liked it. So the beginnings of both stories/chapters are the same but the endings are drastically different.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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><p>She walks through the door of their house sloppily shrugging her bag off her shoulder and onto the floor of the foyer. Flipping on the hallway light she aimlessly walks towards the kitchen, throwing her keys on the counter before turning to grab a cup from the dishrack. She pours herself a cup of water and slides onto the counter to drink it.<p>

The street light shines through the blinds in the kitchen making a pattern of lines and dots on the wall. She doesn't mind the dark. It's comforting. And it means she doesn't have to look around the house, his house, and see everything that reminds her of him. But then again what doesn't remind her of him? Isn't that why she darted out of The Penny and headed home to be alone, unable to spend another moment drinking with her friends without looking over at the door wishing and praying he would walk through them.

She sets her cup down besides her and reaches under her shirt to grab at the chain around her neck. Dangling at the end of it is the diamond he gave her. The diamond he gave her the night before he left. The diamond he gave her as a symbol of his love. The diamond he gave her as a promise he would be back. The diamond he gave her as a promise he would stand in front of their friends and family one day and he would marry her.

That was fourteen months ago. Fourteen months without his smile. Without his arms around her. Without his smell intoxicating her. Fourteen months of lonely nights spent with just his memory. Memories, some days they are the only thing that kept her sane. But they could only help so much. After all, memories don't live like people do.

She wasn't sure if she should blame him or herself. She could have begged him not to go, could have made him choose either his job or her. But that's not the kind of girl she was nor was it the relationship they had. Instead she stood by and supported him. It wasn't what he wanted after all. It was out of his hands. The orders came from up above. But that didn't change the fact that a little part of her was angry with him for not fighting to get out of it.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. Her eyebrows furrowed as she wondered who could be at the door at this hour. She quickly slid down off the counter and wiped the tears that had betrayed her and rolled down her cheeks. Looked through the peep-hole she saw the outline of a tall man with dark hair. Her heart sank. There is only one reason he would be knocking at her door at this time of the night, and it wasn't to deliver good news.

She tried to steady her breathing as she unlocked the door. "Maybe he's coming for a different reason?" she tried to convince herself.

"Sgt. Best" She acknowledged after opening the door.

"McNally, can I come in?"

She simply nodded in response and moved away from the door into the living room. She knew what he was going to say and she felt like running through the open door. Running as far as she could till her legs gave in. But that wouldn't do any good. That wouldn't bring him back.

Following him into the living room she turned on one of the lights and sat down on the couch palming her face into her hands.

"McNally" Sgt. Best tried to get her attention

She looked up at him and pleaded at him with her eyes not to crush her world.

Best took a moment to compose himself. He knew what he was about to do to her. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do but what choice did he have.

"McNally", he began once again. "Sam wa-"

"No! Please just go!" She shook her head as she tried to control the emotions welling up inside of her.

"McNally...Andy, please"

She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want it to be real. All she wanted was to climb into their bed, put on his t-shirt that was now void of his smell, and try to hold onto what little hope she had of him coming home to her.

"Sam was shot by rival gang. They got him to the hospital but it was too late. I'm sorry Andy..." his voice trailed off. It's not how he would have liked to tell her but he was afraid if he didn't get the words out now he wouldn't be able to.

Sam. Shot. Too late. That's all she heard. She sunk deeper into the couch. The room went black as tears flooded her eyes. So much for hopes and dreams. So much for a future. All she could hope for now was that his memories wouldn't fade. And that he'd be with her in her dream every night.

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><p><strong>AN: So if you feel like murdering me for this reading the next chapter and hopefully you'll like it more! **


	2. Lingering kisses

**A/N: So this is the original story I had in mind but I gotta say I kinda like the other version better!  
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><p>Losing your memory<p>

She walks through the door of their house sloppily shrugging her bag off her shoulder and onto the floor of the foyer. Flipping on the hallway light she aimlessly walks towards the kitchen, throwing her keys on the counter before turning to grab a cup from the dishrack. She pours herself a cup of water and slides onto the counter to drink it.

The street light shines through the blinds in the kitchen making a pattern of lines and dots on the wall. She doesn't mind the dark. It's comforting. And it means she doesn't have to look around the house, his house, and see everything that reminds her of him. But then again what doesn't remind her of him? Isn't that why she darted out of The Penny and headed home to be alone, unable to spend another moment drinking with her friends without looking over at the door wishing and praying he would walk through them.

She sets her cup down besides her and reaches under her shirt to grab at the chain around her neck. Dangling at the end of it is the diamond he gave her. The diamond he gave her the night before her left. The diamond he gave her as a symbol of his love. The diamond he gave her as a promise he would be back. The diamond he gave her as a promise he would stand in front of their friends and family one day and he would marry her.

That was fourteen months ago. Fourteen months without his smile. Without his arms around her. Without his smell intoxicating her. Fourteen months of lonely nights spent with just his memory. Memories, some days they are the only thing that kept her sane. But they could only help so much. After all, memories don't live like people do.

She wasn't sure if she should blame him or herself. She could have begged him not to go, could have made him choose either his job or her. But that's not the kind of girl she was nor was it the relationship they had. Instead she stood by and supported him. It wasn't what he wanted after all. It was out of his hands. The orders came from up above. But that didn't change the fact that a little part of her was angry with him for not fighting to get out of it.

Wiping the tears that had snuck down her cheek she slides off the counter and places her now empty cup in the sink. She heads towards the stairs. Her mind wonders towards the day she moved in and he carried her up those same stairs, her legs wrapped around his body her lips on his. A small smile escapes her as she feels the tingle his lips leave on hers. It's been too long since her lips tingled.

She heads to the closet and takes out a few of his shirts. She smells the first and puts it back. The next three are rejected as well. Finally she finds one with the slightest scent of him still on it. She puts it on and lifts the collar over her nose to inhale him before his scent gets muddled with hers. Slipping under the covers she keeps it over her nose taking in as much of him as possible as she remembers recounts the last night they spent in this bed together. Same as she does every night. She goes through every small detail as if she's afraid of losing the memory.

_"Get back in bed Sam! Let's make this night memorable" she said with a mischievous grin. _

_"You gonna miss me rocking your world, McNally?" He turned to look at her, his smirk just as mischievous. _

_Rolling her eyes she tried to get a peak at whatever he was doing by the dresser. Hadn't he already finished packing? _

_"What are you doing over there anyways?"_

_Smiling he walked back towards the bed. The moonlight managed to enhance the twinkle in his eye. Sitting down he looked into her eyes as he took her hand in his. _

_"Andy, I know you don't want me to go and I don't want to go"_

_"Sam, we talked about this already. Let's just enjoy tonight" She ran her hand over his bare chest, appreciating every muscle. _

_"Just let me finish, ok?" _

_"Ok"_

_"I don't know how long I'll be gone but what I do know is it won't change how I feel about you. I love you Andy and there's going back. When I come home all I want is to share my life with you. Marry me?"_

_"You can't do this to me Sam!"_

_"What?"_

_"Ask me to marry you then leave me"_

_"Andy, this ring is a symbol of so much more than me wanting to marry you. It's my way of promising you I'm coming back to you. And when I do we'll have the life together that we've always dreamed of"_

A sound downstairs woke her. Glancing at the clock her hear began to pound. 3am. Maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. She settled back into bed hugging the blankets around her.

THUD

No, that was definitely not her imagination. Opening the nightstand drawer she grabbed the key inside of it and tiptoed towards the dresser. Opening the top drawer she pushed away the t-shirt covering the lockbox and opened it, taking out Sam's gun. As she headed down the hallway she realized all she had on was his t-shirt. He'd get a kick out of this she thought. Scaring off a burglar in nothing but his shirt. Seems more like a sexy cops and robbers fantasy than reality.

As she made her way down the stairs she could hear the sound of someone shuffling in the kitchen. Lifting the gun up she slowly tiptoed towards the source of the noise. She could make out the outline of a man. Tall, somewhat well built, long shaggy hair.

"Don't move. I have a gun and I'm trained to shoot". She turned the safety off. Her heart was pounding but she managed to keep her voice stern.

"Turn the safety back on, McNally" His voice was low and gruff.

"Sam?" She couldn't keep the shock out of her tone.

"Expecting someone else?" He turned around to face her a smirk plastered on his face.

She tried to say something but all she could do was stare at him, gun still raised.

"Put my gun down before you shoot me, McNally!" His smile growing as he walked towards her.

Taking the gun out of her hand he placed it on the counter. He stood inches from just taking in her beauty. Her hair was down and tousled. She looked a bit thinner and more worn out than he remembered but she was just as stunning. Her brown eyes were full of confusion and relief.

She couldn't help but stare at him and wonder if this was all a dream. There he was, albeit thinner and scruffier. But those same deep twinkly eyes staring back at her.

Slowly he inched towards her, grazing her cheek with his finger before cupping her chin and leaning in as their lips touched. What started out as a chaste kiss quickly deepened, neither wanting to part away. Eventually the need for oxygen won. As they parted Andy lifted her finger to her lips. _Yes, this tingle of her lips was real. No more memories. He was home. _

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed, feedback appreciated! **


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